At the root of all the over-giving and over-self-reliance and much of the burnout and imbalance we experience is a big old old root ball called "OVER RESPONSIBILITY."
We've been imprinted and conditioned by our society and family systems to take OVER Responsibility for the needs of people, projects, and the planet - and we have willingly put way too much on our shoulders and backs, often as an unconscious way to deal with our fear, feelings of being undervalued, and not enough (no matter how outwardly successful things may look).
Consider this: What might have been in alignment to take responsibility for or embrace ownership of as your part, may not be in balance now or going forward.
Wisdom: The systems (both those you create, and those you work and live within) will take everything you give them, and there will still be more to give.
So... until we take a stand of self-advocacy + stop filling the gaps and taking more and more of the burden and responsibility, there is no incentive for anything to change ... in your work, team, family, friends, marriage, projects, even the things you care deeply about on the planet.
Which is why we will dive deeper in Ep 235: Releasing OVER-Responsibility. Embracing Enough. (#3 of 3 in Burnout to Balance Series). Where are you taking OVER responsibility for:
And then go deeper to reveal...
Then we end with a two ways to make it practical in your life now ... see wisdom inquires below. Tune in!
With heart
Christine
p.s. TWO REQUESTS to help share the wisdom and connect with others.
-- Share this episode with a friend and share the ways you've stepped into OVER Responsibility. Then support each other to get into balance.
-- Leave a review with words that share why you listen or what others could expect. Thank you
*** WAYS TO GO DEEPER
*** PRACTICES + RESOURCES FROM SHOW
*** CONNECT:
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Wisdom Inquiries
Action : To balance the imbalance -- What can I Start? Stop? Shift?
Practice: Self-Sustainability Stands
I consider what is needed and what I have to/desire to give before I proceed.
If the support and space is not there, I am not moving forward at full-speed.
I stay in co-creation to reveal and proceed on the wise, harmonious path.
I stay present to the real needs and stay focused on my part.
I remember Grace is at the center of all challenges.
I glide from Grace. I move from strength.
Many of us operate like banks that give more withdrawls than deposits, resulting in imbalances in our relationships, wellbeing, money, jobs, businesses and projects that lead to undue suffering, struggle, and sacrifice.
We OVERgive - time, energy, resources, care, and mindshare -- to projects, people, our passion and our purpose. We UNDERReceive the time, energy, resources, care and mindshare we need and desire. As a result, eventually we burnout, become resentful, get sick and discouraged, or quit.
We don't SEE the imbalance or the ways we OVEReffort, work, extend, etc. until we get to the drama, distress or dis-ease.
One of the breakthroughs I discovered in all my research around burnout and sustainable success and wellbeing is that we don't have to wait until the extreme imbalance hits our bodies, beings, bank accounts, relationships or brains. We can use the power of Cyclical Living to pause (usually around March Equinox) and take a look around our life, work, relational, & wellbeing design, illuminate the imbalances, and then take simple but significant steps to make shift happen.
Wisdom: If you can reveal the specific ways you overgive, you become empowered to shift the imbalances.
Which is what we will do together in this Ep 234: Where Are You OVERGiving & UNDERReceiving? (#2 of 3 in Burnout to Balance Series). Where are you:
And then go deeper to reveal...
I do this survey of the landscape of my life, projects, relationships, purpose and work every year, because every year there is a new insight and something new to work with that supports me to do and see things differently. Tune in!
With heart
Christine
p.s. TWO REQUESTS to help share the wisdom and connect with others.
-- Share this with a friend and share your OVERgiving Imprints. Then you can support each other by giving each other permission to take the action that gets your giving and receiving into balance.
-- Leave a review with words that share why you listen or what others could expect. Thank you
*** WAYS TO GO DEEPER
*** PRACTICES + RESOURCES FROM SHOW
*** CONNECT:
***
Self esteem, self confidence, ability to take care of oneself, sovereignty, self sufficient ... these are all good things to possess and embody. Monikers of internal strength. However, when one thing become over-used or valued, or the other side of the spectrum isn't present, things get out of whack, our lives and bodies become imbalanced, and we get stuck in situations and chronic challenges that keep us in survival or stress mode.
Consider this: "We have become so self-sufficient as self-empowered humans that we have become overly self-reliant."
Most people I encounter suffer from this invisible dis-ease of Over Self Reliance, we feel it but don't have the words to see it, and therefore transform it. We become so used to doing whatever needs doing, we don't pause to consider what help we need to do it. We don't consider if we don't have the resources we need, maybe we shouldn't take it on. We've grown so accoustomed to fight for what we need or just barely scrape by that we've gotten used to making do and doing more ourselves.
And honestly, there have been many times you and I have needed support or help, and it just wasn't there. That has been our shared reality. Yet, we are each being invited to shake off the over-self-reliance to find a more balanced exchange ... even if we cannot see how that is possible, yet.
Ask yourself: Where may I be operating from over self-reliance? One I may have needed before, but that now, at this phase in my reality, is not serving me?
WISDOM: Where you are OVER self-reliant, you are also UNDER supported, UNDER cared for and UNDER connected.
Today we kick off a series I've named From Burnout to Balance ... to illuminate the invisible ways we are operating like banks giving more withdrawls than receiving deposits, resulting in imbalances that lead to undue suffering, struggle, and sacrifice.
We start with Ep 233: Goodbye OVER Self-Reliance where we dive into:
I will also walk you through inquiries to get clear on where over self-reliance is impacting you. Together we can all release this generational pattern and find the new ways to create relationships and realities that by nature create harmony and balance. So your radiance, briliance and light is supported for many years to come.
See you there,
Christine
P.S.->> Request - Share this podcast with one person and then connect and share where the OVER Self Reliance is, what the cost has been, and what it's time to do differently.
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*** WAYS TO GO DEEPER
*** PRACTICES + RESOURCES FROM SHOW
*** CONNECT:
***
New inspiration for Feminine Power Time...what I'm calling an "XO" episode ... XO from my heart to yours .. like a movie "short," it's a podcast shortie to bring forth something that moves my heart to share with you spontaneously.
I have these moments where I am feeling the energy in the world + sensing themes through the conversations I am having with conscious beings that make me feel "Oh, it would really serve us all to hear this wisdom right about now!" But instead of waiting to do a full podcast, I thought we could experiment with this shorter format. See if we like it?
This first XO short is all about getting to the heart of a pattern, habit, imprint that might be driving you - unconsciously - into overwhelm, self sacrifice, burnout, and ways of working, living, relating. One that is rooted in your self-worth and the imprints around self-worth that have been imprinted on you.
If we can't get to the root of what is causing the burnout within us, we cannot change the systemic roots that keeps us stuck in the in patterns, relationships and situations that do not support our sustainability + thriving. Nor change the systems we work and live in.
Every year around this time, I put myself on a 40-day practice to shine light on root habits and imprints that are driving me in ways that don't serve me + to shift my habits to support my wellbeing & desires going forward.
I was reflecting on the years I've done 40 day practices, and remembered that I had written about one of my profound 40 day practice breakthroughs in Overwhelmed and Over It. Specifically, the connection between our self worth & feelings of safety, security and enoughness and our inability to break free of burnout & self-sacrifice.
In this XO from my heart to yours, I will take us through some wisdom, experience and a set of inquiries that will help you shine some light on where you may be unconsciously pushing yourself way too hard, or stuck in systemic imprints you just don't know are there.
Consider this (excerpt from book and podcast):
The simple truth is this: We cannot give ourselves the space to pause or replenish, nor can we create a reality in which we can be both successful and sustained, in part because we’ve been imprinted to value ourselves based on how busy we are; how much we’ve achieved; or how hard we have to push, strive, and grind.
Or we’ve been so laden down with the reality of just having to survive, we haven’t had space to even consider the pace we’d prefer, because we are drowning, barely keeping our heads above the water.
This is true, for so many of the reasons we have stated about the way this world is currently structured; what society values; and the increasing pace and demands on us financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally to just keep up.
As we’ve said since the start, “It’s not our fault. And . . . you and I, and all the other women on this planet, are the ones with the power to change it, together.”
The way forward is this: We bravely look underneath all the push and grind to see the lies, fear, lack, feelings of “not enough,” and distorted ways we value ourselves, and heal and free ourselves from them.
We re-root ourselves into the truth of our inherent value and a real, felt sense that we are held and guided by something greater, of which we are a part. To start us moving in this direction, I have a few inquiries for you.
Let's look underneath the roots + re-root ourselves into our inherent value and connection.
See you there,
Christine
p.s. THANK YOU for those responding the Feminine Power Time Podcast Survey - would love your insight and feedback on what you'd like to see. Go to www.FemininePowerTimeSurvey.com
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UPCOMING 40-DAY PRACTICE:
Burnout to Balance: Embrace Your Power to Stay Centered, Sustained & Supported
www.BurnouttoBalancePractice.com
OVERWHELMED & OVER IT
See CHAPTER 11.
STAY CONNECTED
Receive 2x Month Wisdom Letters - www.ChristineArylo.com
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/christinearylo/
Linked In https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinearylo/
Feminine Wisdom Cafe on Mighty Networks: www.FeminineWisdomCafe.com
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As we approach the mid year point, ask yourself how is the pace and rhythm of your life working for you? Are you focused on what matters? Do you even have the space to focus on what matters? The truth is the swirl of the world & the pace of the systems you work in aren't going to slow down... but you do have the power within you to set the rhythm of your life differently.
But... "You only discover balance in your life when you learn to trust the flow of the ancient rhythm" - john O'Donohue.
What does that mean? I will share more with you...
I broadcast this episode the last two years at this same time, and decided to share it again because as I listened to it myself today I was inspired by what I said. I couldn't say it better a second time.
So using two feminine leadership principles I'll share at the start of our conversation, I share this timeless wisdom with you for this time now. Tune in xoxo.
About this Feminine Power Time with Christine Arylo:
We lead crazy paced lives in part because we have made the unconscious choice to allow the rhythm of our life to be dictated by the pace the patriarchy and over culture has set - keeping us frenzied, fragmented and not focused on what truly matters.
And there is another choice...
Feminine wisdom shows us how to be in the world without being of the world, by taking the powerful act to consciously set the patterns and rhythms of days, weeks, months and years in a way that creates harmony, not havoc.
This was originally the third episode in the "Breaking Through the Myth of Balance" Series, as we illuminate a different way to live - so we can focus on what matters, be the most powerful presences of change, without exhausting ourselves and our resources including:
Join me to make this real and practical in your life:
1. FLOW Mid year power pause and virtual retreat - Focus Your Life Force on What Matters www.flowpowerpause.com
2. East Coast power pause and Feminine Wisdom Weekend at Kripalu July 19-21 - www.FeminineWisdomWeekend.com
3. Path of Self Love Training and Retreat at Kripalu in July - www.SelfLoveRetreat.com
4. Seattle Power Pause - July 9th - https://www.ellevatenetwork.com/events/9152-flow-2019-part-3-of-our-power-pause-series-mid-year-intentions
5. The Feminine Wisdom Way Training and Sisterhood - www.FeminineWisdomWay.com
For information on personal mentoring with Christine, email Sarah Mardell at Sarah@Arylo.com
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Wisdom Inquiries:
1. What would I love to have the space to create? birth? experience? do? this year but I never seem to have the time or space for?
2. What support do I need to create the space for what you want to create?
Wisdom Bytes:
"When we try to do too much and too fast, we exhaust ourselves, our time, our money and we do not have enough of what we need."
"Organizations often try to do too much and too fast so they burn out their employees. We have to ask ourselves why are we driving and striving so hard? What is sustainable growth? And when will we give up the dominate the world culture as normal or acceptable."
"There is something deeper within you that wants the space to create or express. You have the power within to restructure your weeks and days. You cant make more time but you can create the space."
"It is a daring act to choose to live within a different structure than the one you've been conditioned to believe is normal. If you get into the flow of the natural cycles and deepen into the roots of mother nature, and allow the space for grace to come in, the path ahead will become illuminated."
*Reposted as previous post only had 1/2 the podcast :) We women have been trained to operate like banks - where we give give give withdrawls all day long, but never take in deposits. Result? We bankrupt ourselves. We've been raised to be strong achievers and self-less care givers, but not strong receivers.
We push away support when it shows up.
Deflect compliments. Accept working 60-80 hours a week as normal, and will even skip lunch, going to the bathroom, drinking water just so we can keep pushing through.
We give to our families and friends, even when we can't afford to give the energy, time, effort, money.
We need a new equation that empowers us to GIVE AND RECEIVE. Which I have.
But first, we have to get real about WHY we OVER GIVE.
The reasons we sacrifice and sabotage ourselves are rooted deep in our hearts - where the feelings and fears we'd rather not feel live. #truth
The path to liberating yourself and others out of the ways of working and living that lead to burnout and self sacrifice is through your heart. #wisdom
One of the reasons we stay stuck in these unsustainable realities is we are fine talking about the overwhelm but where real change happens - no way!
So today, of course, I invite you to dive into the heart with me - the 3rd point of liberation on the Path of Liberation out of burnout, overwhelm and self sacrifice.
join me for this Feminine Power Time: Are You Overgiving and Under Receiving? #3 of 3 in our Overwhelmed and Over It series. I will share:
• The deeper ROOT reasons we over give and bankrupt ourselves emotionally, spiritually, relationally, physically, even financially
•The signs that you are OVER GIVING
•Different ways you over give that you might not know
•The 8 Fears underneath why you over give and sacrifice yourself
•A practice you can use to get in touch with the deeper fears and feelings at the root of the overwhelm.
•Three ELEVATE inquiries you can use in the moment to get your giving and receiving in harmony
•A proactive practice that will support you to keep your giving and receiving at work, in relationship, etc in harmony.
I'll also read from of the chapters from my new book Overwhelmed and Over It which comes out Sept 2020. I didn't want to have you wait.
AND... Here are three ways to get support, go deeper, and liberate yourself out of overwhelm and burnout and into the life and work design that supports and sustains you.
FLOW POWER PAUSE -
The Mid Year Reflection, Realignment, Refocusing
1. Do it from home - www.FlowPowerPause.com
2. Join me in Seattle - July 9th
3. Come to the Feminine Wisdom Weekend at Kripalu on the East Coast - www.FeminineWisdomWeekend.com
AND IF YOU ARE READY TO TRULY LIBERATE YOURSELF FROM THE UNSUSTAINABLE REALITY of YOUR LIFE AND WORK...
I am looking for up to 11 women to join me for the Overwhelmed and Over It! 4-month Transformation this Summer and Fall. We start the end of June.
Get the invitation here. www.OverwhelmedandOverIt.com
There are real reasons why no matter how many self care, stress management, or life hack strategies you try or how hard you try to do things like get sleep, eat well so you can thrive, that you cannot get out of the burnout, self sacrifice or overwhelm.
It's not your fault that you feel so stretched.
There are REAL systemic reasons that keep you trapped in unsustainable realities.
And...
You are the only one with the power to change it.
The good news is, you are not alone - we are ALL feeling this way.
And today I am inviting you to join me to take a step towards your personal liberation out of overwhelm and burnout.
Tune into this episode of Feminine Power Time with me Christine Arylo, feminine leadership advisor, teacher and author for "Overwhelmed and Over It!: Why It's Not Your Fault - The 5 Truths that Can Liberate You from Burnout & Self Sacrifice"
These truths took me a decade to unearth.
I think you will find them empowering and illuminating.
Together, armed with the 'truth' we have the first step in setting ourselves and generations to come free - systemic and self awareness.
Then in the next episode, we will talk about how to create a personal and social path for liberation and transformation.
Tune in.
**
To learn more about the Overworked, Overwhelmed & Over IT! personal transformation experience Christine is taking 11-13 women through as she writes the Overwhelmed and Over It Book this summer and fall go to - www.OverwhelmedandOverit.com
To attend the yearly FLOW Mid Year Power Pause (From home)- Focus Your Life Force on What Matters the 2nd half of the year. Set your intentions professionally and personally purposefully. June 23rd. Do it live or at your own pace. Go to www.FlowPowerPause.com
To learn more about
The Feminine Wisdom Way - www.FeminineWisdomWay.com
The Feminine Wisdom Weekend Summer Retreat - www.FeminineWisdomWeekend.com
The Path of Self Love Training - Summer Immersion and Retreat -https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/path-self-love-training-teaching-others-love-themselves
I'm sharing this with you as we approach the mid year point because it's so crazy relevant to the wisdom we need to pace ourselves and stay focused on what matters this next part of the year. I broadcast it last year at this same time, listened to it myself today and was inspired by what I said - lol :) Seriously, timeless wisdom for this time now. Tune in... xoxo
About this Feminine Power Time with Christine Arylo: We lead crazy paced lives in part because we have made the unconscious choice to allow the rhythm of our life to be dictated by the pace the patriarchy and over culture has set - keeping us frenzied, fragmented and not focused on what truly matters. And there is another choice...
Feminine wisdom shows us how to be in the world without being of the world, by taking the powerful act to consciously set the patterns and rhythms of days, weeks, months and years in a way that creates harmony, not havoc.
It is the 3rd in the Breaking Through the Myth of Balance Series, as we illuminate a different way to live - so we can focus on what matters, be the most powerful presences of change, without exhausting ourselves and our resources including:
Join me for the mid year power pause and virtual retreat FLOW - www.superpowerpause.com
Join me for the East Coast power pause and Feminine Wisdom Weekend at Kripalu - details here.
For information on personal retreats with Christine, email Sarah Mardell at Sarah@Arylo.com
SPACIOUSNESS... we all desire it. But we have not been taught how to cultivate it. We've been told to "find time," "Make time for self care", "meditate and be mindful" ... but time can't be found, self care is a way of life not something to add to your to do list, and WHY are we meditating and being so mindful?
Feeling Spacious on the inside is not just some nice self care strategy... cultivating spaciousness is fundamental part of our ability to be powerful, courageous leaders... essential for accessing our inner wisdom to make wise choices... foundational to our health, emotionally and physically... and super power for staying young, vital and radiant.
Cultivating spaciousness is a big part of what we teach and practice at our feminine wisdom school and in "Feminine Super Power Year" so it becomes a way of life.
In this Feminine Power Time, Christine Arylo, feminine leadership advisor and wisdom teacher, shares:
Give yourself the gift of feeling SPACIOUS by choosing to cultivate it and claim it... timeless feminine wisdom put to use in your day to day life.
To get the 5 points of the Spaciousness Star, visit the feminine wisdom blog at www.FemininePowerTime.com
To learn more about Feminine Super Power Year, visit www.femininesuperpoweryear.com
To learn more about the Dream Partnership Retreat - www.DreamPartnerships.com
To receive Christine Arylo's weekly feminine wisdom letters, subscribe at www.ChristineArylo.com
"The Wisdom is in the Pause.. I am here to remind you not to fear the pause... Some of the most courageous people I know are scared of it, as I have been myself." - Alice Walker, nobel prize winning writer of the Color Purple.
You and I both know that we NEED to pause on a consistent basis - daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. The scientests have finally proven what yogis and mystics have known for centuries - not only does taking a pause - be it sleep, meditation or a walk in nature - clear our minds and restore our bodies - it literally is what Wisdom requires if you want to run your life from Wisdom vs the collective overculture, status quo and conventional wisdom.
Yet left to our habits and patterns we will choose to fill the space, or run the outdated "i don't have time program" and then as a result focus on the wrong things, or too many things and our power gets fragmented and our lifeforce drained.
This is where using what I call the Feminine Super Power of Pause + the practice of power pausing can help in big ways.
Join Christine Arylo, women's leadership advisor and wisdom teacher, and her special guest Rachael O'Meara, author of the book Pause, for this Feminine Power Time: "Power Pauses: The Feminine Super Power Practice of Pausing":
This episode of Feminine Power Time is #4 in the Breaking Through the Myth of Balance Series. Subscribe on Itunes or Stitcher to tune into the others - including "The Intensity Trap" "Beyond Work Life Balance" and "The Feminine Super Power of Harmony".
To take a mid year, end of the year or quarter of year power pause with Christine Arylo go to www.SuperPowerPause.com
To learn more about the book Pause: Harnessing the Power of Giving Yourself a Break by Rachael O'Meara go to http://www.rachaelomeara.com/
We lead crazy paced lives in part because we have made the unconscious choice to allow the rhythm of our life to be dictated by the pace the patriarchy and over culture has set - keeping us frenzied, fragmented and not focused on what truly matters. And there is another choice...
Feminine wisdom shows us how to be in the world without being of the world, by taking the powerful act to consciously set the patterns and rhythms of days, weeks, months and years in a way that creates harmony, not havoc.
Join me, Christine Arylo, feminine leadership advisor, for this Feminine Power Time, the 3rd in the Breaking Through the Myth of Balance Series, as we illuminate a different way to live - so we can focus on what matters, be the most powerful presences of change, without exhausting ourselves and our resources including:
To join Christine for a Super Power Pause at one of the 4 key power turns of the year, go to www.SuperPowerPause.com
I'm so busy. I have so much to do! Happy to get sick just so I can rest. I have to work this hard all the time. Moving so fast you lose things, forget things, or your body revolts. Feeling overwhelmed by the craziness of the world. Sucked into the internet, news or social media for more than 15 minutes. Your energy getting sucked up by other people's or the world's drama.
These are all signs you have fallen in to the "Intensity Trap" where the pace you are working and managing life at is not sustainable, but it's become 'normal.' Where you let your valuable energy and time get derailed by the happenings in this world in ways that don't empower you or change a thing, but just rile you up to meet the intensity and craziness.
There is no question we live in intense times. No question that 'busy' and stretched beyond capacity is what we all feel. But it's all a trap - created by systems that were designed to exploit human capacity, distract feminine power and burn you out - physically and emotionally. But like many traps, you often don't know you are in it. Life this way just seems normal. Or you don't realize you have fallen into the trap until you've wasted hours of your precious life force and time.
In this episode of Feminine Power Time "The Intensity Trap"Are, #2 in the Breaking Through The Myth of Balance Series, feminine leadership advisor and transformational wisdom teacher Christine Arylo, illuminates:
This episode of Feminine Power Time is part of the Breaking Through the Myth of Balance Series. To view more episodes, go to the Feminine Power Time feed on Itunes or to Christine Arylo's website www.FemininePowerTime.com
Get out of the Intensity Trap by taking a "power pause" with Christine Arylo at the 4 keys shifting points of the natural cycle of how things flow - including mid-year in June and end of the year in December. Go to www.superpowerpause.com
There is a reason we find it so hard to "find balance" or 'create work/life balance' - Balance in the way it's held in our mainstream culture is not possible, or even what we truly desire.
Balance can't be found, it's not lost. Work/life balance as an equation for success is the wrong equation. It cannot solve the stress, tension and overwhelm we feel because it is an equation that creates a duality reality which by nature creates tension between two things. Think about it - are there just two parts to your life - work and everything else? No wonder we feel like we don't have enough time or space... we are trying to stuff everything we care about together in half an equation.
Using the 'super power' of Feminine Wisdom to get out of the balance chasing game, Christine Arylo, feminine leadership advisor, invites you into this special Feminine Power Series "Breaking Through the Myth of Balance" ... a series dedicated to exploring and sharing a different way of living and leading your life that actually supports you to create the space and have the energy and time to focus on what matters.
Let's upgrade from the work/life balance equation (that cannot get us to what we truly desire) to the Feminine Super Power of Harmony:
In this first episode, The Feminine Super Power of Harmony, we'll dive deep into a heart opening, thought provoking episode and illuminate:
Through her Feminine Super Power teachings, Christine Arylo defines The Feminine Super Power of Harmony as "The ability to create a rhythm to your life – your days, weeks, months & years – that supports and sustains you and allows you to be graceful, powerful & flexible in how you interact with, lead, and respond to all parts of your life. Your life is like an orchestra. Each part is like a section of your orchestra, you are the conductor, and the Divine is the inspiration, energy & tune that plays through you. "
Join Christine for her yearly mid-year power pause retreats - F.L.O.W. Focus Your Life Force on What Matters - attend live from home or come to one of the in person retreats on the West Coast and East Coast. www.femininepowerritual.com
For a picture of the 8 Petals of Harmony go to www.FemininePowerTime.com + Christine Arylo's blog post for this episode.